COTTINGHAM PARKS GOLF COURSE (A ROUND WITH JIM)

COTTINGHAM PARKS	https://www.cottinghamparks.co.uk/		Kingston upon Hull UK
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes
Course distance	White 6453 yds	Yellow 6034 yds	Red 5328 yds
Holes	4 x par 5	10 x par 4	4 x par 3
Holes Par 72
Claim to fame: Makes good use of the natural landscape, which is further enhanced by several manmade water features and additional mounding
Having undertaken the six lessons given to me at my retirement do, word had got out that I had become a member at my local club. Previously, so as not to upset or get in the way of anyone who could hit a ball off a tee peg, I had been hacking around at clubs with plenty of afternoon vacancies. Jim had got wind of my membership from a mutual friend and on a chance meeting in one of the local hostelries he offered to go around with me. Knowing Jim was a good player I was rather hesitant to agree however with the later assistance/hinderance of a mutual friend a time and date was arranged. Like a nervous school child on their first day at secondary I duly turned up well in advance of the tee time and unpacked the car. Brand new Ping G25 clubs, in a new Ping carry bag, with Ping towel and all the necessary accessories to qualify for the PGA were divested. I know what you’re thinking, all the gear and no idea, absolutely. I have come to discover that anything you buy relating to golf is expensive but regardless of age or standard you must look good on the catwalk to the first! After putting practice with a number of balls that haphazardly varied in their proximity to the hole, Jim turned up with minutes to spare, unpacked, checked us in and duly carried me off to the first tee. A tee that is intimidating to say the least. A par 5 surrounded on three sides by high hedges but overlooked by the club house balcony. As it was an early start, I glanced up to see only one face peering down through the dawning light, that of the Pro who had taken me for the six lessons! Heart thumping, temples pulsing, mouth dry and limbs shaking I hit the ball with what I considered to be a quality drive only to see it disappear into the thicket on my left. A quick glance up to the balcony saw the coach walking back into the club house, head down, muttering to himself. At this point the realisation hit me hard that I wouldn’t be joining the European Tour any time soon. My second shot provided me with the major dilemma every golfer goes through in life, do I chip out sideways onto the fairway and take my punishment or do I drive it through the narrowest of gaps between trunk and branch. Clearly, not wanting to show my limitations I chose the latter only to hear what has become a regular sound to me, the thwack of ionomer resin against maturing wood and so for my third I chipped out onto the fairway, only to hear Jim state, “You’re there for one!” Does that make me feel any better, does it fill me full of promise or do I just feel inadequate that he is still 70 yards further on and has yet to take his second shot? With four par 5s on the course and having no recognised handicap, apart from the obvious, clubs, it was going to be one hell of high scoring round. Jim’s not so subtle introduction for me to the world of the handicap, didn’t raise my hopes of a sub 100. Nevertheless, I persevered with the odd par, bogey, double bogey, snowman double figure score and a memorable birdie at the Par 4 12^th signature hole! Woohoo! Recently it seems the club have changed scorecard provider with a card that requires the strength of Thor to fold neatly and fit into the back pocket and I’m not sure whether in this age of austerity it is any better than the paper flannels that some clubs currently provide you with. For the meagre cost of £4 and with guidance notes on each hole the club also provide a course booklet. A booklet which, on checking in, I had inadvertently helped myself, to assuming it was free of charge. Jim said nothing at the time and just assumed I was an elderly kleptomaniac with a proclivity for picture books! As with all holes on all courses the devious builders inherently place obstacles in the way that anger and prevent you from scoring as well as you would like. The par 4 7^th , SI 3 at 362 yards is no different. The drive has to navigate a ditch running horizontally across the fairway and the second has a small avenue of entry between trees and shrubs. One particular hedgerow to the right is affectionately known to Jim and I as Helen’s Bush! Our female companion is often found here, scrambling amongst the leaves and thorns in order to retrieve a brightly coloured ball. Helen by the way is a consummate sports person. Having played squash to a high standard and with a racquet in hand, her hand to eye coordination is second to none. It isn’t, as yet, the case with a golf club but if Helen ever chooses to play regularly it won’t be long before she sweeps members aside and regularly wins the weekly competition. As to memorable holes, let us consider my bete noir, the 90^o dog leg right par 4 9^th, SI 14 and as the crow flies, from tee to hole, a mere 307 yards. A blind shot over the trees avoiding the pond directly in front of you will provide you with an easy birdie. Warning signs indicate that if you are going to drive the green then there is a need to wait for the bell to ring allowing those ahead to safely depart the hole. I say this because any decent golfer worth their salt will be willing to try it. Me however, I always try to drive directly over the pond providing a clear view of the green ahead. Sadly, with a naturally annoying fade to my swing I invariably hit tree and or pond to ensure a drop and still not have sight of the green. The par 4 11^th was also memorable as my drive off the tee saw the ball fly out long and straight only for it to spin backwards and then take a 90 degree turn into the trees on the left. An amazing trick shot if it could only be repeated. As I looked on in disbelief, Jim was on his back all fours in the air. In all his time as a golfer he had never seen anything like it. On closer inspection we discovered the ball had split in two, but we were never able to reunite the pieces. Now to the signature hole 12^th, SI 6 no less and only 313 yards long. A view from the tee box sees tight trees to the left ending with a small pond for the big hitter and if by any chance you drive that a shallow bunker awaits in front of the green. For those with a natural fade a large expansive pond awaits and as to the approach to the tight raised green, out of bounds on the left and more water to the right. On this occasion I hit a rare straight drive that gave me a perfect view of the green ahead and a high iron saw me pitch within two feet of the hole. A nervous putt also enabled me to produce a proud birdie, if only I could do this every time on every hole. As ever though the 13^th brought me back down to earth with a bump as I returned to scuffing my shots along the fairway. Oh, and to finish, there is a par 5 SI 4 at 511 yards, that has the green overlooked by the balcony. Therefore, returning from this ground-breaking moment in my life, I considered whether the coach, as he observed my top-quality irons shots and putting prowess, would be there to clap me in,? Was he there? Of course not, he was at the driving range trying to turn some other aging duffer into a golfer of sorts.