A GOLF COURSE NEAR YOU (SCRAMBLED EGGS)

A GOLF COURSE NEAR YOU

SCRAMBLED EGGS   On many occasions I go and play golf on my own. Having been in a lonely senior management position for most of my life, solitude and reflective thinking were the norm, therefore it comes as a pleasant surprise when people want to play with me. My regular partner on this occasion was unavailable due to playing in some form of alliance or district team game. I am, as yet, unsure how a 19 handicapper regularly plays for the club/region, but no doubt as my golfing education develops I will, if I can be bothered, better understand the ins and outs of the regional game.   Another reason and probably more pertinent as to his absence, is my regular tendency to allow a form of Tourette’s to kick in during a game. Games that consist of very high scores accompanied by verbal abuse of myself, the ball, the club in hand, the tree, the sand, the water and quite often just the ground below me feet. Today therefore I was happily looking forward to the solitude a round of golf can bring. One in which only the green keepers would, from a safe distance, be able to ascertain how successful I was being.   The tee time was 9.34 prompt on an overcast day, with little wind. As ever my hopes were high, but my outcomes would probably be higher still. Nevertheless, I turned up with plenty of time to spare only to discover a very crowded car park. This is often the case, as this parkland course also boasts a hotel and spa, fitness suite, 25m swimming pool, equestrian centre, holiday lodge rental and Go Ape course.  No never mind, I unpacked the car, checked in at the Pro Shop and used what time I had left to practice my putting. At this point I met a very agreeable chap who was due to tee off the statutory 8 minutes after me and having ascertained he was a beginner he requested if he could join me, which I duly obliged.   As we wandered up to Winter Par 5 1st, it was evident that the cars belonged to golfers of a certain age. Four ball on the distant green, four ball half way down the fairway and a four ball waiting to tee off.  Never mind, we duly waited, with reverence, for those in front of us to tee off. As they moved away from the tee, I noted with interest four elderly gents coming off the 18th and heading our way. We were informed by their lead that an EGGS competition was in play and that they had started on the 16th to reduce congestion, having politely requested if they could tee off before us, we duly obliged.   Once they had moved away and I had taken my compulsory three swing warm up with the driver I was ready for the off.  On looking up from my exquisite McIlroy driving stance I observed another four ball heading our way. To say the lead on this occasion was objectionable would be an understatement.  The first words bellowing from his mouth were “You’ll have to give way we are in a competition!”  It has been said that as people get older, they become less accepting and more demanding which certainly appeared to be the case with this gentleman. In my previous life I have encountered many troubled souls who consider the best means of getting their own way is to be belligerent, rude and on occasion downright obnoxious. I have often had to stand up against this type of individual in order to not only get my point across but also to ensure the safety and protection of my colleagues. This guy was no different to these individuals and therefore using an assertive approach, which some people may misconstrue as aggressive, I told him in no uncertain terms I and my partner for the day were members, had booked tee times accordingly and in no way whatsoever had to give way to him or any of his EGGS.   Not wishing to lose face, said protagonist, demanded we trudge back to the pro shop and have this out in front of the pro’ for the day, which I duly obliged.   Said protagonist then brusquely outlined the issue to the pro who quickly responded with “Well nobody told me you have groups going off at the 16th”.  To say the smile on my face stretched from ear to ear would be an understatement. Worm burner 1 EGG 0.   Not quite apologising at any point for the mix up on the booking form, the Pro asked if on this occasion I would let the group through. “Of course, they only had to politely ask,” was my response, at which point my opposite number was clearly apoplectic, but chose to keep his counsel and so we trotted back to the tee.   The delay between holes had clearly had a negative impact on the waiting team members, the first drove left into the trees, the second topped it and the third placed it into a ditch on the right. As to the key protagonist he obviously thrives off conflict and drove a 220 yarder right down the middle.   It was interesting to note that throughout the whole of this unsavoury episode my new-found partner had remained mute. When we did eventually get underway the golf was far from pretty, with wayward woods and irksome irons. It wasn’t until the Par 4 3rd that we settled down to a decent round and began to discuss, as you do, family, friends and professions. It therefore came as somewhat a shock to me, when he informed me that he was a police officer and tended not to like conflict!!!!   As to our game it was far from memorable therefore a review including a little bit about this course will occur at some point in a later blog.   A few months after this unsavoury incident, I was surfing the clubs recent facebook posts when I came across a photograph introducing the new captains for the forthcoming season. On focusing in on their faces it became abundantly clear to me that I wouldn’t be getting an invite to their EGGS any time soon. You’ve got it, I had stood my ground against the newly voted EGGS Captain. Ah shit!!