ROWANY GOLF COURSE (FOR EVERY DOWN THERE IS AN UP)

ROWANY	http://www.rowanygolfclub.com/		Port Erin Isle of Man
Type of course	Heathland	18 holes
Course distance	White 5722 yds	Yellow 5528 yds	Red 5128 yds
Holes	2 x par 5	12 x par 4	4 x par 3

Claim to fame: Once hosted a game between Greg Norman and Nigel Mansell
FOR EVERY DOWN THERE IS AN UP If you ever search for golf courses on the Isle of Man, the visitor website lists the top ten, with Rowany coming in at number five. The other thing you find out very quickly is that there are only nine on the small island stuck in the middle of the Irish Sea. Manx comedy, don’t you just love it! I have for many years visited family here but never had the bravery to check in anywhere for a round. So it was that on a windy but bright morning in February I plucked up the courage to venture out onto Rowany. My previous research indicated that according to “Book A Tee Time”, Friday mornings were deserted and that if you started early enough you either put your money in a good old-fashioned honesty box or paid on your return. Having no clubs on the island, my daughter who is now a fully-fledged Kipper, was able to borrow a set for me from a friend and neighbour. The carry bag consisted of what I think was an original Big Bertha, a non-descript wood, a number of Dunlop tour oversize irons (whatever they may be) and an Odyssey putter. On contact with each other in the bag, the woods and irons continually produced the sound of a ball being struck from directly behind me, causing me to instinctively duck on numerous occasions. A review of these clubs on the internet indicates they are perfect for children, weekenders and occasional players. As I qualify under none of these monikers, I had a feeling that they might not be for me. On early morning arrival and with a sighting of the car park on the lip of a hill I quickly deduced that I’d got up at the right time to undertake a round of solitude. Three cars in the public bays and none in the private bays of the club captains, treasurer or chairman. Bliss. As I divested myself from the borrowed and battered Vauxhall Astra, which I may add was an automatic, a rather nice classic Mercedes coupe was driving out, only to halt, wind down the driver’s window and be asked by the occupant if I was going to play a round. Perhaps the bag of clubs and the fact that I was dressed in more layers than a Victoria sandwich cake gave the game away? As I answered in the affirmative the occupant then went on to give me chapter and verse about who he was, why he was there, current membership numbers and a brief history of the course. It appears this elderly gentleman was the ex-chairman, with six years chair ship and a twenty-year membership under his belt. He went on to inform me the club only has 1.5 green keepers but that a high number of volunteers work on a daily basis, to keep the course in good condition. As ex-chair he has the privilege of ensuring the tee boxes are kept in a tip top state and in addition he comes down regularly to ensure the “plebs” are on task! When I stated that he surely doesn’t call them this, his response was “of course, we’re not a stuck-up golf club here” Really, “plebs”, the definition of which is “an ordinary person, especially one from the lower social classes”. Class distinction was somewhat further supported when the two gentlemen about to tee off in front of me were overheard saying, “We need to get off before this other lot get on the tee”. On looking around, the car park had not become any fuller and so I could only assume they were referring to the unshaven, scruffily dressed plebeian that was me. Situated among rolling hills that give you excellent views of the sea on two sides and mountains on the other two, the course, with no less than four blind holes and crisply cut cups is top quality. It is very much a tester for the first-time visitor, a GPS watch therefore is definitely of benefit however downloading the free, Hole 19 app onto your mobile phone works just as well and is significantly cheaper. The par 4 1^stSI 13, is your first blind hole and as you drive up the fairway you have a tiny glimpse of the ragged flag ahead but you cannot see the size nor the shape of the green, Accuracy is therefore the order of the day. Having comfortably negotiated the 1^st I was at a loss as to where to go next. No signage throughout the course caused me a great deal of difficulty throughout the round. Thankfully on asking the nearby fully employed green keeper he directed me to the second tee. The par 4 5^th SI 5, is a great hole, with a blind hollow green surrounded on all sides by gauze you are in the hands of the greenside Gods as to whether you get this in the right place or not. The par 3 8^th SI 17, is also a view to behold. At 148 yards hitting over a gauze ridden crag you drop down as far as you hit. The winding path takes you as long to circumvent as it does to walk the length of the par 5 5^th,.On reflection I wouldn’t fancy taking a trolley down it either, electric or otherwise. The 10^thSI 12, sitting in a hollow is also a fine par 5 but the 200yd walk from the 9^th green is crazy. Tiime appears to stand still as you drive off the tee only to return adjacent to the place you left some minutes earlier! As the title of this piece indicates for every down there is an up and it comes as no surprise that to compensate for the precipitous 8^th the 12^th ensures you rise between a gauze lined fairway that narrows as you come to address the partially blind green. Out of breath and looking well and truly lost after this hole I came across the two gentlemen who had earlier indirectly derided me as a quality golfer and they kindly directed me on yet another circuitous path to the 13^th.Their kindness may have well been misanthropic as I was about to tee off on the 15^th and would clearly have held up their game. As I arrived at the 13^th tee I observed a gentleman heavily clad in Wentworth pullover and trews striding purposefully towards me from who knows where. Still disorientated I happily allowed him to pass through and within a matter of minutes I had been provided with the following information. He used to live next to the 10^th but now lives in the north of the island, his wife is a teacher, they have twins and he will be meeting the in-laws for lunch. He then promptly selects a high iron pitches it to the middle of the 182 yard green, says thank you, walks off, sinks the putt and waves as he walks off towards the next gauzy hillock. On reflection, this may well have been an illusion brought on by oxygen debt but I don’t think so! The highlight of my round was the 282 yard par 4 15^th, SI 14. A drive down the slope and a chip to the edge of the green saw me there in regulation. A rare event I may add for someone as limited as myself. As the uphill 12 foot putt with a right to left borrow nestled in the middle of the cup a distant voice was heard to shout “great shot mate”. On looking up I observed a builder on the distant road side who obviously appreciated my quality play, I therefore acknowledged him with a firm wave of the hand, similar to that of a professional acknowledging they had just won a green jacket at the Masters. Thankfully by the time I got to the 16^th he had gone into the house he was renovating and didn’t see my less than acceptable 5 wood slice off the tee. Parring the 17^th after another confused walk to the tee also made me feel good about myself and so finally into the pro shop to pay for what I considered to have been a very enjoyable round. I girded my loins for another chat with undoubtedly another pleasant local, only to be greeted with “yes”. I responded accordingly stating I would like to pay for my round, “£20”, was the curt reply, which I dutifully handed over as he promptly turned and walked into the back of the shop. The BBC 2 TV series League of Gentleman suddenly came to mind and half expecting a voice to holler from the depths “this is a local shop for local people there’s nothing for you here” I quickly exited before Edward and Tubbs made an appearance.