FOREST OF GALTRES GOLF COURSE (THE CROW ROAD)

August 03, 2019

FOREST OF GALTRES	https://www.forestofgaltres.co.uk/		York UK
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes
Course distance	White 6167 yds	Yellow 6534 yds	Red 5394 yds
Holes. Par 72	4 x par 5	10 x par 4	4 x par 3

Claim to fame: Raised greens constructed to USGA standards
THE CROW ROAD As the name indicates this parkland course lies within a forest North East of York. Easily accessible from most major routes however avoid the Clifton Moor bypass as much as is physically possible as this ring road, in the last ten years or so, has become a nightmare traffic jam at any time of the day. My first introduction to this course revealed an issue that is currently blighting several golf courses across the country, CROWS! It appears that our feathered foe are causing considerable damage to gardens, lawns and fairways across the country. Indeed, as the national newspaper The Daily Mail recently reported, after an EU ban on a specific pesticide, the lawns of Cambridge University are being torn apart by crows feasting on bugs. I ask myself, is this a ploy by The Mail to get voters to further back Theresa May’s BREXIT Plan The fairways at Forest of Galtres have been disfigured by birds digging up the ground in search of the chafer bug, a beetle that lives in the soil and feeds on grass roots. Its population has soared since an EU-wide ban on a spray containing a chemical called imidacloprid, which is harmful to bees. Have no fear readers when we leave the EU the Department for the Environment under the leadership of arch BREXITEER Michael Gove will ensure that the numbers fall drastically, and we will have full control of our Chafer Borders! My partner for today’s game was none other than Michael an avid Man City fan who can wax lyrical on all things Manchester City and indeed, all things universal. As a season ticket holder, he commutes regularly from his hometown of York to see the Blues whenever he can. As part of his retirement package from Network Rail he received a lifetime of free first-class train travel, his game as yet is sadly not of a similar standard. Harsh but true. Michael and his anecdotes however are extremely funny and having both taken up golf at the same time, still playing football in our 60’s and having similar attitudes and handicaps a good game, or natter, always ensues. Michael recently admitted to me that his depth of vision has diminished since he retired from his work as a surveyor. It therefore made sense to me now, that on my first visit to Galtres he suggested that at the Par 4 16^th tee, I chip over the reed pond for an easy lay up to the flag. Perhaps if he had suggested a driver or 3-wood I would have had a better chance, sadly the Titleist A grade lake ball that I had recently acquired on the Internet, returned from whence it came. The parkland course is wide expansive and very forgiving however on completion of my latest visit I had experienced more sand than an Irish Navvy during the building of Cross Rail. They say that a true professional prefers sand lies to the rough, if that was only true for my game. At the end of our most recent Winter Stableford, Michael invited me to take tea and scone in the alleged cosy club house. As it was a cold and windy day, I was more than happy to accept and to hell with the cluttered bypass. I resigned myself to the fact that as the traffic crawled along remorselessly, I’d have plenty of time, once again to ruminate where I had gone wrong. As the flag was replaced in the 18^th hole and ice-cold hands shook, we looked up only to see the caterers driving out of the car park. Our walk to the roadside coincided with their passing and briefly my hopes were raised as the car slowed and the passenger window wound down, could it be they would re-open just for us? Sadly, my hopes were dashed as a brief conversation with Michael indicated they were getting the plumbers in and off they went. Whether that was at home or in the club house I am unsure! Most notable holes for me on this course were the par 3 3^rd and par 5 4th which saw comfortable pars made on each hole and a significant increase in my points score however this was soon pegged back and my one-point lead at the 9th became a one-point loss at the 18^{th. .}After my earlier comment regarding Michael's game, that says it all about my standard? Mind you I have beaten him on two previous occasions, but who’s counting? Me of course. Michael’s chip in at the par 4 7^th was a sight to behold and as ever I was exuberant in my commendation for what was a great shot, while at the same time thinking, you jammy git. It also made me consider whether all golfers think this way or is it just me being horrible? Tell me if I’m wrong but I think it’s all golfers, just etiquette and upbringing doesn’t allow us to voice a real opinion. For the cognoscenti amongst us The Crow Road is a highly acclaimed book written by the Scottish writer Iain Banks, in which, the main character considers the existence of a higher power in the Universe which may influence our day to day life. I consider that a similar deity exists within golf, one who, occasionally, passes a quizzical eye over my game, sniggers and rapidly moves on to bigger and better things.