SKIDBY LAKES GOLF COURSE (NO MATCH FOR MY PLAY)

SKIDBY LAKES	https://www.cottinghamparks.co.uk/skidby-lakes/		Kingston upon Hull UK
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes
Course distance	White 5619 yds	Yellow 5432 yds	Red 4862 yds
Holes Par 68	2 x par 5	10 x par 4	6 x par 3

Claim to fame: Opened by Sir Ian Botham in 1999
NO MATCH FOR MY PLAY This is the sister site to Cottingham Parks, shorter in distance but nevertheless just as, if not, more interesting. As the name indicates water can be found on seven of the holes and if that isn’t awkward enough out of bounds runs alongside four others. Apart from the par 5, 6^th SI 8, 7^thSI 7 and the Par 4 7^th SI 1, none of the holes are particularly long, the greens however are tight and fast, a credit to the green keeper. Similar to sardines in a can, the pro shop, like my bag, is well stocked with expensive gear, and the analogy doesn’t end there, for when the can is opened, my game is similar, it stinks! Often on entry to the shop the loft ladder commands the middle of the room and young Charles the pro’s assistant is often seen precariously dangling out of the ceiling space with clubs, bags, clothes and other paraphernalia in hand. It is a veritable Aladdin’s Cave. Having played there many times I enjoy the warm welcome, bonne amie and camaraderie of the place, it has the feel of a homely intimate club. The other advantage of this course is that if you time it right you can easily get around in under three hours. An enormous log burner situated in the heart of the club house is extremely inviting after a cold winter’s day and the food available is basic fare but filling and good value for money. Monday and Thursday mornings appear to be the event days for the seniors as the external chalk notice board advertises 9 hole CONGUs on a regular basis! So, if you want to make good time on your own it is best to start on the back 8! Why 8 and not 9? Well, a reimagining of this course in 2016 finds a natural division of the club house occurring between the first 10 holes and the last 8, strange but not necessarily an imposition, unless you are a course aficionado. CONGU for the uninitiated, of which I am one, stands for Council of National Golf Unions of which England golf is one of the unions. With the course containing so many ponds it comes as no surprise that the feathered wildlife is many and varied, a twitcher’s paradise. Geese, ducks, moorhens, coots, magpies and heron abound as does frog spawn at particular times of the year. It can on occasion be very disconcerting, when having taken a drop from a pond, your swing is interfered with by a mature frog flying through the air as it heads towards the mating grounds. Our furry friends aren’t forgotten either with rabbit, hare, squirrel and weasel all inhabiting various parts of the land. On a previous occasion I teamed up with an ex footballing professional who had plied his trade at such places as Sunderland, Hull City and Derby County. Based on his profession of choice I was very surprised that he was a high handicapper like myself. As I understand it professional footballers have plenty of time on their hands and invariably spend many an afternoon on the golf course. For whatever reason this particular player had decided not to take that direction of travel and therefore in some respects he had suffered accordingly. Among his many and varied stories, he did however tell me that on one occasion he had booked in to the Lakes early, for some solitary practice and all appeared to be going well until he reached the 8^th tee when a rustling of the bushes suddenly became a cacophony of snapping branches and falling tree trunks. Within a matter of seconds, he was face to face with the biggest stag he had ever seen. In his own words it frightened him to death and since then he only books late mornings for a round! So wild life and wild shots are in abundance Today’s game was one of those rare occasions when you take on a low handicapper and beat them. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does you feel really good about yourself, if not a little bit smug. When I first started playing the game on Nigel’s home turf he used to give me two shots a hole and beat me every time, but not anymore, it’s now all about “What’s your handicap again?” and as we go around I have the unerring ability to get under his skin very quickly, all I have to do is say “6 for 4 for 3”. On arrival the CONGU conga was in full swing and the judgement was taken to start from the 11^th, a heavily sloping right to left fairway with ditch and trees on the right and for any big hitter a large pond at the bottom, the trick here is to use your fairway wood aim right and let the natural slope bring your ball into the hollow of the fairway. The second is then a short pitch to the green, avoiding the low flat bunker protecting it or the water lying to the left. Nigel didn’t get his tee shot in the right place, however, for a man of his calibre a chip over the deep pond would suffice. As I lined up my second, I heard the plopping sound of ball in water and a little smile began to emerge on my face. As I walked towards the green, I once again heard the splash and as I looked round, I saw Nigel store his iron and stride towards the green, no ball in site. First hole to me I thought, and the smile grew bigger. I quickly came to realise that knowing a course intimately does have its advantages. Knowing the sort of lye you may have, the direction of travel your ball will have to take and the distance to a green from behind a thicket, all help with ease of club selection. Being able to hit the ball regularly and with accuracy also helps immensely. The dog leg right 12^th , SI 4 is also an interesting hole as the drive off the tee must carry the brow of a hillock so as to roll comfortably left to right along the middle of the fairway. If under hit it will surely roll, but only into the deep rough separating the 12^th from the 17^th fairway. From here the second would have to be a high-quality shot over mature firs. The Par 3 18^th , SI 12, is also a peach of a hole at 192 yards. You tee off from one side of a natural divide that has a lake in its hollow and on the opposite side, bunkers protect the front and sides of the two-tier green. The tee box looking North East, provides you with an excellent view of the whole course and further afield the low lands of Hull and the East Riding Being 3 up after 8 holes I was feeling pretty good about myself and so we moved to the front nine. The 300 yard, Par 4 1^st, SI 16 is in easy reach for any big hitter and the Par 3 2^nd SI 13 is a mere 158 yards downhill. Woe betide anyone who fades the ball on these holes as water awaits and there is a need to under hit any regular iron off the 2^nd tee. The 346 yard Par 4 3^rd, SI 14 is also a quality hole, the fairway is flanked by trees along the right and a ditch to the left, that you can only get out of by paying the penalty of a drop shot. Again, here the green is flanked by water to the front right and a bunker to the left. My second here was a topped hybrid that saw the ball take a similar trajectory to that of the bomb used by the RAF in the 2^nd world war to bring down the dams in the Ruhr Valley. A distinctive feature of the weapon, added in the course of development, was back-spin, which improved the height and stability of its flight and its ability to bounce. Back-spin as we all know is a “normal” feature in the flight of golf balls, owing to the manner in which they are struck by the club, and it is perhaps for this reason that all forms of the weapon which were developed were known generically as "Golf mines", and some of the spherical prototypes allegedly featured dimples! Every golfer worth their salt wants to be able to produce back spin when the ball hits the green, however mastering the pitch and distance first would be nice. Barnes Wallis, the inventor of the bouncing bomb, would have been so proud of me. I still consider myself to be a fit and active person, participating in 5 a side football, alongside people aged 20 up to my age, I can adequately hold my own. Due however, to the over large carry bag that I yomp with I tend to tire towards the end of a game, and so as we approached the 6^th green (the 14^th for this round) my third shot ended in a copse close by. Buried deeply in the long grass and with branches blocking my view the shot appeared impossible. Anybody with half a brain would lift the ball and drop it in accordance with the laws of the game but no, not I. Taking my trusty 7 iron and taking up a forward leaning stance my idea was to dig it out, avoid the branches and bounce it short of the green thereby allowing it to roll up nicely too the pin. Theory good, practice bad. The ball briefly showed its face and then nestled back down. Not to be perturbed I tried again only to see it fly further into the verdant green. Heckles and blood pressure raised, I wasn’t going to give up, two hacks later I was out. Face flushed, air blue it took me at least another two holes to recover what limited composure I have. Remarkably I won the game and I was ecstatic, but I don’t think golf etiquette allows you to boast. The next day I was due to meet up with my regular partner for our weekly assault. If the truth be known I was busting a gut to let him know I had beaten Nigel 4 and 3 and when I did so, as quick as you like, he responded with, “Did he have an off day?” Damned with faint praise me thinks.