CAVE CASTLE HOTEL AND COUNTRY CLUB (BEWARE OF THE BEES)

 

CAVE CASTLE GOLF CLUB	New website in development
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes	Par
Course distance	White  yds	Yellow  yds	Red  yds
Holes	3 x Par 3	12 x Par 4	3  x Par 5
Played	01/07/21
Claim to Fame:

In the village of South Cave that isn’t a village, according to the township charter of 1291, lies Cave Castle Hotel and Country Club. A palatial 19^th century mansion standing in 150 acres of undulating meadow and parkland at the foot of the Yorkshire Wolds. According to the limited information on the web an 18-hole course established in 1989 has a varied mix of holes providing a good test for all levels of golfer.  It appears the course website is being remodelled, although there is a members login website with limited information for the first-time visitor.

At £25 a round we are starting to get towards the edge of reasonability for those Yorkshiremen that I play with, so we were hoping for a good standard of course and plenty of entertaining golf.

Driving in through the gatehouse the hotel is situated to the left of the expansive car park and the large club house and facilities lie directly ahead. The club shop assistant was immensely helpful, informing us of those who had gone ahead and those who were to follow. Based on this information time was taken out for bacon butties and the inevitable conversation about handicaps. Mine was to be no different (no shock there) the Fitter however based on his last performance and prior experience was about to be docked five shots. My protestations were pointless, as the Fitter readily agreed to the cut. Please note the saying “you are only as good as your last game” does not necessary ring true in golf, as you could be a lot better or indeed a lot worse!

So, today’s protagonists were once again me and the Fitter verses Boom Boom and Brian. It appears that after the heavy defeat at Bridlington Links, the Welsh Wizard was unavailable for today’s game, or was he, had he actually been dropped from the team? Only Boom Boom would know and he wasn’t telling! Brian, a previous member of Cave Castle and a long-time friend of BB, was called upon as a late replacement.

The walk to the first tee is lengthy and takes you along a tree lined path past the 18^th tee and a sign warning you to “Beware of the Bees. Little did we realise at the time how prophetic this sign was. More signage, requests that you are quiet as players maybe teeing off ahead and indeed you quickly come across the 18^th lying to the right of the path. Based on the reception we got from the seniors who were in the process of just doing so, I suggest you don’t ignore the request, unless of course you want to receive that look of disdain which has been developed over many years of golfing.

The opening hole at Cave Castle is a par 4, 270 yards SI 18 gentle dog leg left. The B’s have the honour of starting the game and Brian goes over the trees, readily accepting he didn’t mean to. BB hammers one down the fairway to give him prime position, the Fitter heads off right but doesn’t have a problem and I hit one so high the orbiting space station twitches. My second, 90 yards on from the first, finds the middle of the fairway and we all take chips into the green. It looks as if the B’s are going to take an early lead however after BB treads on my 30 foot line, he and his partner are astounded to see the putt sunk. We are one up with only 17 to play!

The 2^nd is a par 5, 456 yard, SI16, BB fires one down and team Wormburner instinctively congratulate him on the quality of the shot, while under our collective breath question his parentage! We bogey the B’s par, all square.

The 3^rd another par 5 is halved and the 4^th, a par 4, SI 4 at 343 yards sees us once again take the lead.  All is going well, the game has the early appearance of one that might be a close run affair.

What is very noticeable about this parkland course is the number of large deciduous trees that are festooned across the middle of fairways. Other noticeables, are BB’s ability to cut across your chipping path with his trolley, tread on your line as you study a putt, walk off quickly when he knows a hole is lost and then question the number of shots taken when a birdie is in the offing!

To give credit where it’s due he is after 30 years of consistent practice, a very good golfer, as was witnessed when he chipped in for a birdie at the 5^th par 3, SI 12 at 181 yards, but then again nobody cut across his path, did they. All square again.

At the 8^th B is unhappy as a fairway wood  heads for a bunker until a massive kick left allows it to roll up the green settling 5 feet from hole. Local knowledge, or luck it works for him and the hole is lost.

The 9^th a dog leg left par 4, SI 8 at 373 yards, is the only hole where water can have a real impact, as it lies directly across the path of your second shot into the green. I found this to be the case the others did not.

We are three down at the turn and from here on in the game ebbs away like a coastal tide before a tsunami is about to hit. With the Fitter and myself struggling to make an impact it appears BB and B’s book of golfing gimmicks has once again paid dividends.

Nevertheless, we stay positive  and are looking to redress the balance on the back nine.

The 10^th par 4 SI 1 at 438 yards, would see us make a difference, we were determined to improve, we would win this one easily, we didn’t! The Fitter knocked into the trees left and I went slightly right, the B’s however were fine and smelling of honey. On taking his second my partner continued to shave the tree line and was heard to say to himself, rather loudly, I might add, “Don’t go there you knobhead”. As I set up for my second, as all respectful golfers know, a brief hiatus in conversation takes place and a peaceful silence descends. Suddenly from out of the trees we hear the thwack of ball off trunk, followed by the immortal golfing term, “for fucks sake.” Time to reset and go again, I think.

The 11^th a par 4, SI 3 at 365 yards also brought BB’s language skills to the fore as he once again walked across my line before the hole was closed out and as I mildly remonstrated, his response was “fffff  ffffff  ffff” which when translated reads,’ My partner has an easy finish, we have won the hole, so go forth and multiply’.  Duly noted, we are five down and staring a monstrous defeat in the face.

The 12^th sees another loss and we are six down with six to play. No fear, we are British, we will gird our loins, we will focus our minds, we will think of every possible metaphor that will make a difference and then we will realise we are tackling the last par 5 of the round. Par 5’s, sadly, are BB’s strength for wherever he lands the ball off the tee, he seems to recover with an almighty whoosh.  As it is we half the hole but that is it we have been hammered 6 and 5, the loss he suffered at Bridlington Links has been laid to rest. BB is once again a happy bunny.

The 14^th is a dainty par 3 at only 134 yards SI 15, it has however two of the thickest side screens along its length, with no leeway. If you go off left or right its three off the tee, or in my case five! For the record, the Fitter and B halved the hole.

At this point in the proceedings the Fitter has a flashback to when he last played Cave Castle in the 1980’s and asks if the green had once had a moat round it? B being the courteous gent he is politely directs the Fitter to turn 180^o, whereby he is staring at the adjacent 17^th green with dry moat in situ. Not only beaten but also dazed and confused!

The “bees to beware of” had sunk us without trace and immediately took their foot off the proverbial golf pedal. Not surprisingly we then go on to win the next three holes. The 15^th at 324 yards SI 13 was my highlight, all I needed was a five footer for a birdie and as I set up to take the putt, BB asked if I was there for three and promptly marched off to the next tee. Git!

The final hole at Cave Castle has to be the doggiest, right dog leg ever and if you don’t hit the marker on the fairway you have no idea where to go. Disillusioned and down the Fitter hit one so far right and out of bounds we had visions of it bouncing around the car park but on eventual arrival at the green discovered he was only 2ft short of being in bounds. As to me, I not surprisingly hit the big tree in the middle of the fairway and scored a goose! This isn’t a new term to follow on from birdie, eagle or albatross, it is actually, the fact, that on releasing from the tree the ball cracked a goose on the bonce and it was stunned, somewhat like myself.

In summary I feel we did get our money’s worth, the tee boxes, fairways and greens were all in excellent condition. On the day, the greens and flag placing were a credit to the green keepers and made putting difficult to read but hugely entertaining. The bunkers had a large number classed as ground under repair (GUR), weed ridden and lacking sand however after all the issues surrounding Covid rules, this was a minor inconvenience. Others had fresh sand and were of a good quality and clearly the sand pile in the car park testified to the fact that the process of refurbishment was well underway.

As we sat sipping our Stella Artois  in the warming glow of a summer’s eve, the handicap committee once again met and this time agreed that the Fitter would be given back three shots for our next encounter.  Perhaps then and only then the game will be a tight knit affair, that is unless more substitutions are made.