Far Grange Golf Course, Skipsea (Why do you whisper, green grass?)

 

FAR GRANGE GOLF CLUB	https://www.haven.com/parks/yorkshire/far-grange/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=gmb
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes	Par 70
Course distance	White 5934 yds	Yellow 5813 yds	Red 5155 yds
Holes	4 x Par 3	12 x Par 4	2  x Par 5
Played	23/07/21
Claim to Fame: Proud to offer superb Golf and Social facilities

Skipsea, is a village and civil parish on the North Sea coast of the East Riding of Yorkshire with a population of 695 and a golf course to boot. The area is a holiday resort and the course is part of Haven Far Grange Caravan Holiday Park. A venue frequented by many, from as far afield as West Yorkshire and recommended by the Halifax Judge from the Wednesday game.

Situated between the coastal resorts of Hornsea and Bridlington and mistakenly turning into the Holiday Home entrance off the B1214, we didn’t get very far, as standing guard at the barrier was a robust young lady, with obligatory tatt’s and piercings, who informed us the golf course was the next turning and I should turn round immediately. Which I did so quickly and eased back out on the road before she decided to physically carry us all the way there.

Having picked up the Fitter on his birthday and discussing my first golf lesson in many months, we were feeling good about ourselves and although overcast the conditions were benign.

The road to the clubhouse takes you past the pitch and putt, which sees holiday makers of all shapes, sizes and ages picking up a wedge or two and with one hole running along the roadside I was happy to get past without any mishaps.

In the car park waiting to greet us was Boom Boom and with his partner for the day the Welsh Wizard happily practicing, it looked as if today would be competitive.

The club shop is spacious with the usual UA, FJ and Ping paraphernalia and at £17 per player, in this day and age, it’s a decent deal. Picking up a scorecard it was interesting to note that it read horizontally rather than vertically., which may not sound much but is confusing to a man of a certain age. The trek to the first takes you between bowling green and driving range, the latter immediately coming into play at the sharp dog leg right par 4, 342 yard SI 8.

In the car, just to see if my lesson had paid off, I had discussed the possibility of taking a mulligan at the 1^st. What I hadn’t done was discuss this with the opposition and so after the obligatory tete ta tete surrounding handicaps I promptly announced to the bewilderment of the opponents I was having a mulligan.  To say this heralded some derisory remarks from certain individuals would be an understatement but nevertheless I carried on regardless. Slightly less stoop, a more direct line from the leading shoulder, less sagging in the mid riff and a greater turn of the torso saw me pull the ball left and promptly put it in a pond.  After even more dialogue between the group, I then took another tee shot, only to see that one fly into the driving range and be deemed OB. Not the best of starts for me but thankfully the birthday boy, now on a much more acceptable handicap, halved the hole with the wizard.

The Wizard after being chopped in our previous game was reinstated today with Boom Boom’s expectation that he would buck his ideas up and perform to a much higher standard. This he would achieve but sadly  to the detriment of his culinary skills, more details of which follow later.

The 2^nd another dog leg, this time to the left, at 397 yards par 4, SI 4, saw Boom Boom kiss the trees but as he often says “it’ll be alright” and it was, whereas, I lived up to my pen name and did my usual worm burning impersonation. Once again, the hole was shared by the Fitter and the Wizard.

At the 3^rd par 4 SI 2 at 346 yards Boom Boom came into his own. The green is protected by a wide pond cutting in from the right hand side and the Fitter took the opportunity to impersonate Guy Gibson, as his ball skimmed across the water and rattled into the far wall however, it didn’t result in the wall being breached and sadly sank without trace. One down but a long way to go.

It wasn’t until the par 4 8^th SI 10 at 311 yards until we pulled back the hole. A fine par performance from the Fitter saw the birthday boy grab the honours once again.  Sadly, our parity didn’t last long as the Wizard instantly took the next hole.

Reviewing the first nine holes then, the conifer tree lined fairways were scorched but sound and forgiving with plenty of width and space between the trees. The bunkers were more grit and gravel then sand, with numerous being, or should have been GUR and the ponds didn’t hold too much of a problem. In the main the rough was cut short enough, the greens however were bazaar. Anything coming in from a height would bounce away quickly, anything coming in low appeared to roll away quickly and yet when it came to putting, the ball required a sturdy knock to travel over the spongy grassy surface. I swear as the ball rolled, you could hear the grass grabbing hold of it and slowing it down rapidly! Strange but true!

As we moved to the 11^th the Welsh Wizard pulled out his culinary comestibles for lunch, a deconstructed sausage sandwich. It appears that he had cooked the sausages and onion rings the night before, and neatly wrapped them in foil. On the morning, the bread was freshly buttered and all was looking good. Sadly, the idea of placing said sausages and rings inside the ‘bara brith’ passed him by and as he wandered the 10^th his deconstruction was revealed to one and all. “Fabilliss!”

Why is it in a land of 10 million sheep and only 3 million people, the Welsh have difficulty with their U’s?

The 12^th par 3 SI 9 at 230 yards, takes you out of the conifers and onto the cliff face. Boom Boom hit a cracker here and was on the green in one however two putts later he failed to take the hole against the Fitter’s short play. Five yards of this green looked to be in a poor condition and revealed the scars of living on the edge of the North Sea, the grass was yellowed and withered as salt from the seas side squalls had taken its toll. By the look of the soft cliff face on which this hole is balanced it will probably be a par 3 at 150 yards by next year!

The 13^th par 5 SI 11 at 469 yards runs the length of the cliff face and the Wizard extended the oppositions lead further with a nice birdie. Two down and five holes to play we were once again staring defeat in the face?

The next two were halved, the 15^th has a green surrounded by a moat and saw all competitors hit right off the tee. The Wizard was by far the worst off as he disappeared into grass as high as an elephant’s eye and his usual Druid defining ways let him down. No talking to the trees today! Boom Boom’s second was just right of the green and me and the Fitter went left. It looked as if they were going dormie three, when inexplicably BB duffed his chip and let me in to share the hole.

As we hit the 16^th par 4 at 407 yards SI 3 a slight dog leg left with a wide-open fairway, the opposition struggled and myself and the Fitter both carded the winning score. One down two to play. The 17^th is the last of four par 3s and at 168 yards SI 15 nobody was able to hit the raised green., but enough was done for me to take the hole. All square and we had pulled it back from the brink, what a team, what a pairing, what a duo, perhaps we should put ourselves forward for the next Ryder Cup, but then again!

From the 17^th green to the 18^th tee there is a long trek, allowing competitors to reflect on what might have been. Such questions arise as, should I have had a lesson on bunker play, did I really hear the grass grab the ball or and most importantly would his sandwiches have tasted nicer with bread?

The 18^th has a large pond to the left of the fairway and a hedge protecting the 17^th  green to the right. Neither of which caused an issue. The most concerning fact about this hole is that the 18^th green lies directly in front of the club house and has no protection whatsoever. Additionally, outdoor tables, adorned with holiday makers encroach even further towards the flag and any overshoot here could see a golfer quickly engaged in a lawsuit. As it was, I came in with a nett par and the Wizard had the pressure of a five-footer to half the hole, which he took with aplomb! 3 hours 45 minutes later we had drawn a very enjoyable game on a very benign day.  At times on this course not even the birds sang, you couldn’t hear the sea and no noise came from the B road running alongside the course, it was odd to say the least. Not as odd however as the bar maid who served us in the 19^th. 

Now her voice, when engaged in calling a team member could have split the cliff face asunder, with similar adornment as the lady we met at the beginning of the day she could have been mistaken for her sister and was certainly another one you wouldn’t disagree with.