NORMANBY HALL GOLF COURSE (Not so sunny Scunny)

 

NORMANBY HALL GOLF CLUB	http://www.normanbyhall.co.uk/normanby-hall-golf-course/
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes	Par 72
Course distance	White  yds	Yellow  yds	Red  yds
Holes	5 x Par 3	11 x Par 4	2 x Par 5
Played	06/08/21
Claim to Fame: Hailed as one of the best municipal courses in the country

Another trip south, over the Humber Bridge, sees me turn out four miles north of Scunthorpe at Normanby Hall Golf Club and I can say without hesitation it lives up to its claim to fame. This well matured course holds many interesting and novel holes, challenging shot choice and club selection throughout. The greens are well cared for and the ball runs true, the downside on the day however was the high number of unattended pitch marks. It’s a shame that so many golfers do not repair these and therefore spoil it for those that follow. The tee boxes in the main were flat and even, the fairways were well manicured however several wide sand lines ran here there and everywhere  but it did show that the green keepers were on the ball so to speak. The bunkers after a few heavy down pours were suffering from compacted sand but the green keepers were out and raking, something I have yet to see at a private members club.

The club shop has the appearance of a crowded corridor with a young man sat at the far end sporting an 80’s mohican. Perhaps haute couture has yet to reach such far-flung places as Sunny Scunny!

Having drawn our previous game at Far Grange, Skipsea, it was considered that today would be another close-run affair. This was not the case however as one of our four had  a blinder.

The night previous the Fitter, due to industrial injury (assembling a water feature for the daughter) was struggling to make the day.  A good rub down with Voltarol, a dose of Ibuprofen and a roll on the bedroom laminate, thankfully alleviated the problem and he was raring to go in the morning. Little did we know he would be engaged in a game which featured water throughout the day.

Although overcast with intermittent sunshine there was little wind and so we were up for an enjoyable day of golf.

 £19.50 paid, a soul golfer in front, no one behind, it was looking good.

The 1^st a dog leg left at 351 yards, par 4, SI 4, three bogies and a Snowman (8), the hole was halved by the Fitter and Boom Boom. The 2^nd  par 3, 165 yards SI 15 again halved by the same two. The man from the Land of The Consonants, was yet to fire up. What was wrong with he who deconstructs sandwiches, talks to trees and can’t pronounce a vowel? Having arrived fully dressed for a winter round, did he know something we didn’t, had he once again conspired with nature to ensure a good result for his team? Something was amiss!

As we moved onto the 3^rd, a quick glance at the scorecard indicated we were heading for the hardest hole on the course at 346 yards, the Devil’s Elbow! The greenkeeper tending the second wished us “good luck.” Could it be that difficult?

Reacting to this comment and having paid £1 to charity for an old Course Guide, I took the opportunity to read out the pros tip. “Two accurate iron shots needed here, stay away from the left on the tee shot. It’s always better to have a longer second than to have to play out sideways”. Boom Boom hit a perfect iron to the elbow, the Fitter hit a fine shot and I duffed one. The Wizard however drew out his driver like a Druid’s staff and pummelled one directly into the trees opposite.

“What the ****, was that all about?” We exclaimed as one.  Boom Boom instantly asked “When does the transfer window close” causing the Druid to explode with the ultimate confession. “I cooked the bacon, right. I put it in the bap, right. I put it in the fridge, right. Then I forgot to bring it with me, alright!” To say we sniggered would be an understatement. He might be one with nature but he is rubbish with grub! For the record Boom Boom parred it and we were one down.

The 4^th SI 17 at 332 yards saw the Wizard birdie, it appeared his confession had released his tension and a fine 15 foot putt, uphill all the way, was sunk. Sadly, it wasn’t enough for him to win the hole as he shared it with yours truly.  Turning to Boom Boom, “You want me now, don’t you” he cried in exultation.

The 6^th, the first par 5 of the day played into Boom Boom’s hands and we were two down.

The 8^th a par 3 at 178 yards SI 13 is named  ‘Thru-the-Gap’ for one particular reason, the narrowness of entry, over a ditch, onto the sloping green. Me and Boom Boom hit the green, the other two didn’t.  I came off in four, Boom Boom in two, I think we know who the better golfer is. Three down.

The 9^th par 5, SI 9 at 507 yards saw Boom Boom continue with his destruction of the opposition as he parred it and we didn’t. With an outward nine of two over at 38, we were being annihilated!

As we moved round the course, he did admit to drug enhancement on the day, not steroids but statins. Now whether they give you extra muscle power I am unsure, but the Druid can vouch for one of the side effects of such drugs, as he passed close by, Boom Boom let rip in more ways than one. Flatulence!

Throughout the nine, we went from a sunny day, to overcast, to torrential downpour, with thunder broiling all around but thankfully no lightening. After his commune with nature, the Wizard’s dress sense, was seen to be the most accurate on the day.

Four down at the turn, we had been there before, we knew we could pull it back, miracles have happened, but not today. Boom Boom’s birdie at the 10^th par 4, SI 18 at 314 yards, saw us five down.

The par 4 11^th at 437 yards SI 4, saw the Fitter win the hole for us with a fine par.  A revival perhaps, a turn for the better?

The 12^th par 5 487 yards SI 6 is probably the most interesting of holes. Its name ‘Double Trouble’ hints at what is to come. The initial tee shot is tight and a ditch down the right hand side runs the length of your second shot. The green is tucked further right and is protected by a high bound tree line. Only the brave go for this in two. So, it was no surprise that I didn’t and Boom Boom did, as I followed the fairway route, badly I might add, he went for it with a 3 wood. It was a cracker and looked with all intents and purposes as if it had made the green. On closer inspection it must have caught the last of the trees and he had to take a drop. The other two had gone by the wayside and the hole was halved which just goes to show you should never give up on a hole, no matter who does what.

Courtesy of the Fitter, 13 and 14 were halved and we were down 4 with 4 to play. The 15^th a par 4. SI 8 at 381 yards saw the Fitter once again share the hole with Boom Boom but it wasn’t enough and so we accepted our defeat gracefully.

With sky’s darkening, a choice had to be made, should we stop now and make our way back to the club house or could we get the last three played before the heavens opened? For the record  the 16^th a par 3 at 176 yards SI 16 saw the Fitter take the hole with another good par. The drugs, rubs and rolls had truly worked their miracle on this gentleman.

At the 17^th the opposition had the chance to take their tee shots and then the deluge arrived on biblical proportions. It absolutely siled it down. Umbrellas raised for the fifth time on the day and standing under a grove of trees gave little protection to the onslaught. I swear at one point I saw animals running two by two looking for a boat made from gopher wood.

After 10 minutes of waiting, we went for it and made our way back to the club house and as we cut across the course it was surprising to see people still out there putting on greens with standing puddles and rivulets.

Gear stashed away and it was into the small but well presented club house, for an early drink and chat. Feeling a little peckish I bought myself a nice sandwich and side salad, I did offer to buy the Wizard one, but he declined. I think he was still smarting from his absent mindedness earlier in the day. I just hope when he went for his Papa’s fish and chips he didn’t forget to take them out the shop!