SELBY GOLF COURSE (The Spring Has Sprung)

 

Selby Golf Club	https://www.selbygolfclub.co.uk/
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes	Par 71
Course distance	White 6377 yds	Yellow 6187 yds	Red 5718 yds
Holes	5 x Par 3	9 x Par 4	4 x Par 5
Played:	11/03/22
Claim to Fame: Sand based course playable all year round

As winter turns to spring and the daffodils start to bloom, thoughts turn to playing golf on firm, fine cut fairways, gorgeous undulating greens and level tee boxes. It also provides opportunity for one to reflect on the winter stage and the players around you.

Diving right in then, let us look at the Wednesday mob, in no particular order:

HANDY ANDY has continued to go from strength to strength as he regains his form from yesteryear. A  man who played off 12 in his pomp and used to rip the Ganstead course apart. Rumours of his name being highlighted in embossed gold on the Ganstead boards however was unfounded as Kryton on a rare visit to the east of hull could find no evidence in the club corridor of such a thing.  Could Handy be a charlatan, is he from another dimension and is he here just to fleece the golfing fraternity of West Hull, stranger things have happened and only time will tell. Know what I mean?

KRYTON the man who lives and breathes golf. He considers golf his life but don’t tell the wife! When it comes to the proverbial boast he is similar in many respects to the professional gambler. He lets you know when he has done well but tends to forget his losses. On many an occasion when there is a birdy chance the shout of  “I’ve had three” rings across the course as he walks onto the green of a par 5 but then he forgets the rare hiccup at the par 3’s and they are indeed rare. Did you know he and his partner were in the final of the Winter league? I did, because I have had the joy of playing with him for  a number of weeks now.

The BANDIT continues to play at a level he is comfortable with, thus preventing any inadvertent mishaps in the winter leagues and ensuring his continued success when it comes to golfing rewards. Having faced more jabs this winter than Amir Khan did in his last fight against Kell Brook, he has ensured he is moving into the summer season  fitter and stronger than ever before.

The elusive BUILDER continues to tread his own path through the golfing fraternity. A man who likes the great outdoors, continues to develop his trade and better himself at all levels of the game. Similar, to the Scarlett Pimpernel, they seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him everywhere. Some would consider the dry witted Hullensian from the far east of the city, to be more reclusive than elusive but as long as he can skeg a decently priced fish and chip shop nearby the boy is happy.

The METRONOME has everything all us other golfers clamour for. Calmness, clarity, vision, excellent shot choice and an action to die for.  On the rare occasion he hits a bad one, the recovery, even if it is three off the tee, will bring him points in a Stableford. Considered by many to be our leader he wears the crown uncomfortably but is relaxed about it. On the rare occasion you win a £1 from him, the feeling is indescribable, so I won’t describe it. Just to say he owed me a £1 ONCE!

The ROMANTIC. A man driven by his body parts, if his heart is in it, he’s up for it. Long of limb, he can spray it about like no other. If only the ladies knew! His golf is similar to the beat of his drum, it can be loud, brash and earthy or soft, sorrowful and moody.  Once he’s lost interest, he is happy to quickly move on and that’s just with the opposite sex!

The CONSONANT KID travels worldwide for a game. From Mauritius to Macclesfield, Turkey to Turnberry, this relative newcomer to the group, drives right handed and putts left handed. An oxymoron indeed, who similar to KRYTON, likes to play as much as possible. Steady away every day, he has the additional advantage of his opposite number enjoying the game.

The JUDGE In the hope that the hordes do not discover his whereabouts and enact retribution on  Halifax’s answer to Hanging Judge George Jeffries, continues to live out his time under the Beverley witness protection scheme., In order to keep the heat off, or is it on? He has been known to go abroad for hefty periods of time. As to his golf swing, it resembles that of someone about to slip on the hangman’s collar. Quick on the way down, pendulous in its nadir and slow on the draw back, but and it’s a big but, it is as if, the hangman has worn his hood back to front and the recently deceased could fly off in any direction.

Moving on, let us study the Friday gang

The WELSH WIZARD.  Sublime short shots are a joy to behold. Smooth action, low flight, with just enough spin to bring the ball up short for a single putt. The driver and the fairway woods however tend to be over muscled by the bullish bulk. Not sheepish in his ability he can let rip like a winter storm from the Atlantic.

The FITTER is one who requires more game time to reclaim his level of superiority in the golfing world. The frailty of his lower limbs however has long been recorded in these annals and perhaps he has other pastimes that we are unaware of. Thankfully the killer bug that is golf has yet to grab him but to be fair, I don’t think he can be arsed.

BOOM BOOM, another big hitter. Has the ability to be a single figure golfer but perhaps needs to balance quaffing with qualifying. With his imbibing, guzzle swigging buddy Dick the III, a little less gulping and a little more golfing wouldn’t go amiss. Unlike yours truly however he is probably happy with where he is at,

And then,

there is the monthly marauder that I play with from York, to be known from here on in as PEP’S PET. A Mancunian by birth, a Yorkie by marriage and a football fanatic by trade. On retirement the opportunity to move from one obsession to the other was made readily available. Addicted to Man City or Golf, who would have thought you could have two lifetime obsessions in your dotage! His most recent claim to fame being a response to an iron question from Sky’s one and only, Nick Dougherty. As to his golf he is improving slowly but surely, taking on board you tube video clips, Sky lessons and any other social media clip he can get his hands on.

 Then of course there is me.

The WORMBURNER, eternally disappointed, veritably confused, wants to be better, but lacks patience, attitude and mental strength. Or as the old school report would say, could do better and needs to try harder, whatever that meant!

Moving towards summer then, Selby Golf course is a good place to begin the spring uprising. At £27.50 per head for a winter four ball it isn’t cheap but the Friday boys had the opportunity to try yet another course.

With Teazy being called away to a hairdresser’s convention in Gay Paris, Boom Boom called in Brian (last seen at Cave Castle) who was allegedly suffering from gout, but that could mean nowt.

Selby Golf Club advertises itself as being just off the M62 and easily accessible for all, unless of course you’re coming from Hull and its 17 miles off the M62 turning off at the Goole Gateway and driving past Drax Power Station, the UK’s largest renewable power station and most scenic view for miles around.

Yorkshire’s alleged hidden gem has an interesting dress code of no trousers in socks, which would see the Bandit and Handy Andy banned from any future visits, although Handy does consider his self-made gaiters acceptable at all courses irrespective of their standing in the golfing world.

Founded in 1907 it lies on the outskirts of Selby Town and with its sand-based course and excellent drainage claims it is open 365 days a year.

The pro shop is small and compact but the reception was pleasant, polite and informative. We needed to stay out of the roped off bunkers (GUR), play off the winter tees and had preferred lies in the short cut areas. The course was fully booked for the day and with a 9.48 tee time on a bright and breezy morning we were promptly off.

To walk a course without a drop of water in sight, readily reminded you of a links course but the trees lining every fairway soon dissuade you of that thought, it was however bone dry. No over trousers needed here.

The 1^st at 422 yards, SI 7 par 4 sees the fitter and BB hit the trees on the left of the fairway whereas myself and the man with the ‘disease of kings’ go level in the middle of the fairway.  After a 9 hole practice with a 3 wood the day prior, I chose to go with a the same club for my second. A satisfactory result saw it become my wood of choice. The firm fairways giving a much better result than the quagmire spots currently splattering my home course. Halved and we move on.

The 2nd SI 5 at 508 yards par 5 has the Fitter comfortably taking the hole for us and once again myself and Gouty share the 3^rd. The 4^th  SI 1 par 5 at 563 yards allows the opposition to make it all square.

Along the way, the banter varies between idle chitter chatter and the odd subtle barracking. Let us take for example my second at the par 5 4^th SI 2 at 573 yards. Finding myself with feet below the ball, a gentle request on how to set up received varying levels of support, BB became a deaf mute, the Fitter attempted valiantly to remember shots form yesteryear and Gouty suggested I bend my legs in a figure of eight!! All of which ensured a poor result.

The 5^th and 6^th saw the Fitter roll back the years as he parred both to give us a two-hole lead.  Up to this point BB hadn’t had a look in however he took the par 4 7^th SI 3 at 454 yards with a bogey.

Not to be out done however our two-goal cushion was restored as I took the 8^th SI 17 at 161 yards with a cheeky par.

On the card the 9^th doesn’t appear to be an issue, par 4 323 yards SI 11 but its view from the tee is a cracker. The  entrance to the green is divided from the fairway by a  diagonal line of four silver crystalline bunkers guaranteed to trap any player of any standard, it was just  a pity they weren’t in play! The bunkers that were in play however had rock hard, grit reminding us of winter bunkers across the globe. When the pristine bunkers do come in to play the course will be an absolute treasure.

In the main the fairways at Selby are forgiving however the back nine introduces a number of gorse bushes possibly just to ensure you don’t lose that links feeling. Having hit true drives on the front nine my old habit of flying right came back and I disappeared into a gorse at the 11th SI 4 par 4 at 365 yards. BB was immediately on hand to give me further friendly advice on the rules of engagement.  To take a drop I was allowed a two-club length measurement and then castigated for dropping the ball beyond the furthest point. Questions arose over the use of my driver to measure club lengths, as it appears the loose fitting head cover couldn’t be included in the measurement and that was from my partner! Regardless I measured it out and with limited back swing neatly knocked the ball into the fairway bunker. As the others moved off, tittering away, I was determined to carry on and produced a far from satisfactory result but it didn’t matter because the Fitter won yet another hole.

At the 12th Gouty suffered a similar fate from the tee as he hit the gorse on the left, Struggling, through the scratchy stuff, he attempted to hit the ball out onto the adjacent fairway. Not knowing what happened, it couldn’t have been good, for as we hit the green he had picked up.

By the time we reached the 16^th SI 2 at 437 yards we were two up with three to play and cries of “nowt daft” rang in our ears. Always a bad shout because as a team we do daft very well and sure enough Brian pulled one back with a fine par.

Two to go one up, and we hit the easiest hole on the course a par 3 at 159 yards. Brian shot left, BB shot right, the Fitter shot over and somehow I trickled one onto the green for a possible birdie.  It wasn’t needed however as once again the Fitter pulled off a fine up and down before I even had the chance to take my shot.

Two and one, we were happy bunnies, nett 67s apiece, the journey home was a pleasant experience as we regaled ourselves on how good we were. It will be interesting to see who BB pulls in next time  because like any sportsman he hates to lose.

Where next I’m not quite sure but once we’ve been, rest assured it will be appearing on this blog site.

Happy golfing everyone!