Balmy to Barmy

The Yinjibar pre-Christmas extravaganza, intended to give the Judge a taste for the pleasure palaces of Hull may not have lived up to its billing. Nevertheless, the Halifax Hanger appeared to enjoy  Three John Scotts, where he could order drinks to his table directly from the pub app and also read about the history of said hostelry from the pub walls. A dip into the Old English Gentleman also allowed a detailed study of the signed photographs of the not so rich and famous who have tread the boards of Hull New Theatre.

Little did we realise at the time that the Judge’s cell phone is his lifeline to humanity. It appears all things A I are his penchant. Perhaps we should have picked up on this sooner as he had previously promised to use his Omnibus Application to show Kryton and his lovely lady a jolly good time on a charabanc to Brid’. The bus app however is not enough to satiate the Judges need for speed!

As we ambled from the Yinjibar Restaurant to the OEG, panic set in with the garrulous golfer, Google maps was indicating he was walking away from the transport interchange and his 9.30 pm train to Beverley. Beverley the comfort blanket of the bourgeoisie.

He need not have feared, for the 160 metre walk in the opposite direction was nothing to ‘get out of bed’ about.

As Christmas came and went and the cold snaps started to bite, thoughts turned to warmer climes. Some of the boys hit the streets and nightlife of Liverpool, as for me I got out of the country and headed for the island of St Lucia. Two spots irretrievably linked by the orange glow in the night sky. The sun setting over the Caribbean Sea is a sight to behold, as is the spray tan glow emanating from many a sultry scouse Judy.

Before my long journey over the Atlantic begun, as he tracked my flight from Heathrow to Hewanorra, the Judge revealed his ultimate app’. Who knew he was such an avid aviation enthusiast, either that or a 5 mile high stalker. On arrival at my journey’s end, I received a text from the Judge letting me know that my flight departure had been delayed by half an hour and the flight had taken 9 hours 15 minutes to reach its destination. “No shit Sherlock.” Just as well he told me, or I would never have guessed!

When on holiday, like any other golfer with the bug, I always try and sneak in a game or two  but on investigation I declined. At 175 USD a round plus a 50 USD taxi fare, followed by hire of equipment, golf buggy, caddie and compulsory caddie tip. I thought, nah and sun bathed instead!

Returning to the UK I was safe in the knowledge that if ever I went missing, the Judge would be able to track me down and keep me safe and sure enough as another cold snap set in I was greeted at my first game back with. “Your return journey took 7 hours 15 minutes, you left at 9.05 pm and here is a picture of your aeroplane!” What would I do without him!

During my absence the Burnley Beau had taken it upon himself to travel West and get a ½ inch extension on his appendage. A Christmas present to himself, he was measured up for some new PXG irons thereby adding even more distance to his somewhat already lengthy shots. Zapatta had also invested in new gear but for once became robbed rather than robber. A recently received order from an on-line retailer saw him open the package to reveal what could only be described as a black bin liner masquerading as a waterproof jacket. The disappointment brought out the best in his “Angry man of Hull” diatribes and as we write a stalemate exists, with one party refusing to send back  the Tesco Beast Super strong 70 L draw string bag, while the other is adamant no refund will be provided otherwise.  Exciting times.

 

In my absence it appears a number of our intermittent Wednesday members have become more disillusioned with the way in which their weekend groups operate and  our numbers are beginning to swell. After a recent game, ideas were loosely bandied about regarding the introduction of a more competitive element over the new season ahead.

The most recent game on another ice plateau, known locally as Skidby Lakes, saw the Judge pull the group together and in a voice reminiscent of the irreplaceable Colin Crompton, the imaginary committee “passed a resolution”. All that was missing was the fag, the flat cap and the hand operated fire alarm bell! “Order, Order”, was the cry. “Mines a pint” shouts Kryton in his best comedic voice. All we needed was a cup or glass to be accidently dropped and he could have rounded off his set with, “Sack the Juggler”.

So, what has been decided? Please see the minutes below.

COMMITTEE MEMBERS

1.       Chairman                                    The Judge

2.       Secretary                                     The WormBurner

3.       Club Captain                               The Metronome

4.       Appeals Secretary                      The Consonant Kid

5.       Tea Boy                                       Kryton

6.       Entertainment Secretary             Handy

7.       Trophies Secretary                      Zapatta

8.       Rules Secretary                           The Builder

9.       Ladies Captain                            The Burnley Beau

RULES OF SOCIETY

1.       The secretary’s word is final

2.       Refer to Rule 1

RULES OF PLAY

Individual Stableford to take place preferably on a Wednesday.

Best 10 of 12  games to score.

On the day of competition, individual handicaps will be based on two criteria:

a)       95% of Current Course Handicap             b) Most Recent Society Stableford Score

 With the 1^st February being pencilled in for the inaugural ‘Race To The Yinjibar’ game, our newly, non-elected Chair instantly put the kibosh on proceedings, as he booked a three week cruise. How selfish is he? I only hope he has an app to go with it!