WAKEY WAKEY

 

WAKEFIELD GOLF CLUB	https://www.wakefieldgolfclub.co.uk/
Type of course	Parkland	18 holes	Par 72
Course distance	White 6653  yds	Yellow 6271  yds	Red 5596  yds
Holes	3  x Par 3	12 x Par 4	3 x Par 5
Played	16/07/25	Rating 70.9	Slope 125
Claim to Fame: is among the oldest private members clubs in Yorkshire

 The more I write about newly visited courses, the more I have come to realise that our circle’s secondary purpose is to engage in culinary delights. With an excursion into the heart of England’s rhubarb triangle, today was no different. We were off to Wakefield.

According to Google, Wakefield is a cathedral city in West Yorkshire, located on the River Calder. Popular attractions include The Hepworth Art Gallery, Wakefield Cathedral and Sandal Castle. Secondary mentions are attributed to the largest high security prison in Western Europe, HMP Prison Wakefield, Heath Common and Wakefield Trinity RL team.

A comfortable drive of just over an hour from Hull and only16 minutes off the M62, sees you pass the grazing horses on the common and a quick read of the golf course web site reveals that in 1891 this was the original site of the first nine-hole course. The move to its current 18 hole home in the Woodthorpe region taking place in 1912.

As we journeyed through the outskirts of Wakefield the Metronome mentioned this was the only golf course he had played where the Pro’ explained the speed of the greens were running at 9 on the stimpmeter!

What then is a stimpmeter you may ask? Invented in the USA by A Mr Edward S Stimpson Snr in 1935, the Stimpmeter is a graded chute used to measure the speed of a golf course putting green by applying a known velocity to a golf ball and measuring the distance travelled in feet.

A more detailed explanation can be found on https://www.golfmonthly.com/features/the-game/what-is-a-stimpmeter-and-how-does-it-work-137700.

On arriving a tight bend sees you enter a two-tiered car park, which the Judge had warned would be overcrowded. As ever his recollection was blurry and there was plenty of room to be had. Today’s tour of duty saw the Judge in absentia. A prearranged visit to the Driffield Show had taken precedent. Rumour had it he was in search of the best jacket potato money could buy. A connoisseur of the humble spud, he was intent on seeking the Holy Grail of taters, something that would eclipse his favourite, Bannister Frozen Jacket Potato. Unfortunately there was no sighting of this golden tuber and he had to content himself with a tractor tour.

With time to spare we settled in for the complimentary tea and coffee, with the opportunity to purchase baps/rolls/buns/breadcakes (delete appropriately, dependent on your place of birth) of varying greasy degree. Prices, £4 for bacon, £4.50 for bacon and sausage. As ever the Doc comes up with a cunning wheeze. Buy two bacon and sausage, request a bap and bingo, three for the price of two!

He never fails to think outside the money box. Not letting anything go to waste, his partner in crime, the Big Easy, pockets the gratis sauce sachets for home consumption. Handy opts for a double egg, the Beau abstains and of the two late arrivals, the C_ns_n_nt K_d tucks into a double egg and bacon, while his Tuesday buddy, the Baker declines. For as his pseudonym suggests he had better things on offer.

The view from the practice green down the 18^th and 1^st was delightful and we were welcomed at the 1^st by a lady member, with a fine Irish lilt. Full explanation of the competition rules was provided and we were off.

As ever, the Big Easy and the Doc lead the way with the K_d  and the Baker in tow. Once again, the Metronome is paired with me and the Beau goes hand in hand with Handy. Today’s competition limited me to 18 shots and the others had their regular 85% handicaps. It was going to be a tall order but I was feeling positive after practicing for an hour the day previous. The drive was coming on.

The 1^st at 306 yards, S12, par 4, had three bunkers running down the right-hand side of the fairway, the tee shot was off left. The Metronome went right avoiding the bunkers, the Beau went further right into the trees, I happily went left and Handy even further left. On arriving at our balls Handy’s was nowhere to be seen, although on the edge of the 18^th a rectangular sump tank dug into the ground appeared to have swallowed his ball. With ball retriever in hand he was able to find many but not his own. The Beau, eventually escaping the tree line found a greenside bunker. The Metronome parred although I bogeyed first and was on the card. Two points for us, zero for the other two.

The 2^nd par 3, 134 yards SI 18 is hit downhill. Handy found the green, we didn’t. A Par for Handy a bogey for the Metronome.

The par 4 3^rd a dog leg right with a blind shot over the rising hill stands at 318 yards, SI 16. Atop of the

mound stood a spotter, ensuring nobody in the advance party could be hit by an errant tee shot. Allfour drives were good. As we moved on the spotter suggested there was no excuse for four birdies and we should aim for the near left hand side of the green. No problem, I went right, the Beau found a bunker and Handy and the Metronome were short  of the green. A bogey for me and Handy and we moved on.

Relatively speaking if the tee shots are satisfactory the first three holes are easy openers, which tend to fill you with confidence.

The 4th SI 2, par 4 at 391 yards begins to test the average golfer and Handy and the Metronome both bogey.

At the 5^th a ditch runs across the front of the fairway and a bridge like the one over the Swilken Burn on the Old Course at St Andrews enables passage. St Andrews was the favourite course of a member, Alan Slater and was erected in his memory in 1988. A member for 56 years he represented Yorkshire on 122 occasions, won the English Open Amateur Strokeplay Championship at Woodhall Spa, and reached the final of the Amateur Championship in 1955 at Royal Lytham and St Annes. This the first of  three par 5’s on the course which saw Handy and the Metronome par.

The sixth sees a point each for me and Handy at this 331yard, par 4, SI 14

Holes 7 and 8 sees pars once again for Handy and the Metronome. Not bad considering at the par 5 8^th tee Handy’s drive was similar to that of a Barnes Wallis 2^nd world war invention.

The 9^th sees me dig in for a bogey along with Handy.

Throughout the outer circle nine Handy, wearing a knee brace reminiscent of a knight’s greave had limped along as his recurring knee problem was giving him jip but when it came to scoring he had bagged 8 holes in a row The Beau on the other hand was nowhere to be seen, he was there in spirit but sadly not in body.

As we stopped for a drink in the halfway house Handy was hoping his good buddy would come alive on the back nine and perhaps contribute to the scoring thus forcing them onto the prize board. With  the Beau reclining on the 10^th tee his body language didn’t indicate this was going to happen any time soon.  Wakey, wakey!

As a foursome we could be described as Sir Limp a Lot and the Wakefield Trinity. Sir Limp a lot galloped along like a Kight’s Templer on a crusade. The three person Christian Godhead of the Father, (the Metronome) of all that is golf,  the Son, (me) a petulant child and the Holy Spirit (the Beau) a divine being. He was certainly ethereal when it came to the scoring. The Burnley boy was just having one of those days, when no matter what you do nothing goes right and we have all been there, me more than most.

Nine down and its 17 points apiece. Nothing to write home about but its comfortable. As for the other two pairs, not for the first time this season the Big Easy and the Doc are hitting low twenties, the K_d and the Baker not far behind.

The Baker is renowned in golfing circles for his culinary delights and colleagues are always ensured of a tasty pastry as they circumnavigate the course. Today was no different and individually wrapped sausage rolls were distributed to the gang. Quality seasoned sausage meat mixed with caramelised red onion, enclosed in a light flaky pastry were welcomed by one and all. We all agreed he is one hell of a Master Baker.

Progressing the inner circle back nine, Sir Limp a Lot continued his quest.

The par 4  10^th SI 7 at 371 yards has a dry gulch running across the fairway but  it interfered with no one and off came Handy with 2 points to my 1.

Hole 11 is the second and most difficult par 5 on the course. SI 1 at 520 yards. Handy pars, the Metronome bogeys. No sign of the Beau but there is still time.

The par 4 12^th an innocuous downhiller with a slight dog leg left at the end is only 293 yards long, SI

17. The Beau fires off and it looks good as it rolls to the right of the green. We follow and all are good. As we reach the green one ball is missing. No prizes for guessing who it belongs to. It’s in a ditch. Unperturbed the lanky Lancastrian enters the ditch with sand wedge in hand and hits out, straight into the adjacent bunker! When your lucks out its out. A bogey for me and another par for the hobbled knight of the realm.

Hole 13 with a ditch running down the right-hand side is a little confusing, although only 324 yards par 4, SI 15, the green appears to be partially hidden by a number of low lying trees. The 13^th green however is uphill to the right and unfortunately for the K_d and the Baker they both fire towards this 3^rd green thereby putting pay to any chance of scoring here. Thankfully the Doc and the Big Easy clock it before we tee off and some frantic waving from the Doc informs us as to the direction of travel. Par apiece for the Metronome and Handy.

Hole 14 SI 3 380 yards, still no sign of you know who, surely, he would get on the card here. Par, par, Metronome and Handy. Let’s move on, shall we?

Hole 15 SI 5 par 4 at 346 yards we are all on in regulation. Handy putts first, he’s close but not close enough. Up steps the Beau, hands shaking, knees trembling, lips wobbling. He putts, the ball rolls logo over logo, its close but not close enough, before Handy can set himself for a sure-fire par, the Beau skurries up to his ball and it drops into the honey pot. As he walks away smiling, the Metronome congratulates him and the relief is palpable. He’s back, three holes left, things can only get better. Or not, as the case maybe.

The 16^th SI 13, a rising par 3 at 173 yards. The Metronome, with a fine curving downhill putt, joins the 2’s club and pockets a sleeve of balls. Handy pars, me and the Beau do not.

The 17^th is a blind drive over the brow of the hill, I’m off right, the Beau and Handy find the fairway and the Metronome unfortunately finds a fairway bunker belonging to the first tee. One point for me, three for Handy.

Much to the relief of the Beau we eventually reach the 18^th 383 yards SI 11 par 4. A tree lined fairway rising up to the green sitting immediately in front of the clubhouse. Once again Handy pars but not before he returns to the sump like pond and once again searches for his lost ball. Perhaps he was expecting the Lady of the Lake to raise the ball above the stagnant, algae ridden surface and hand it to him on a golden tee, sadly no, as he once again becomes enveloped by the reeds.

On completion the card reads as follows: Handy 10, pars and 6 and bogeys. The Beau 1 bogey. Me and

the Metronome nine apiece but the Metronome’s consist of a 1 birdy, 5 pars and 3 bogeys. Not so for me and we finish on a lowly 34 points. In all honesty we did have a lot of close calls but they weren’t close enough.

The C_ns_n_nt K_d and the Baker undone at the 13^th still come away with an creditable 39 points. The Big Easy and the Doc miss out on the prizes, scoring 43 points and finishing 7^th on the leaderboard and as for Handy Solo what an amazing effort. 38 points.

Retiring to the veranda our gourmet players heads are once again turned by the bar menu. The Doc always looking for a good deal, goes for a lasagne only to be disappointed when it arrives in a dish the size of a ramakin. The K_d and The Master Baker plump for a lightly battered almost tempura fish with traditional fries and as the incoming players amass at the bar, the Big Easy engages the female bartender in a deep and meaningful conversation. “What” he asks, “is the tuna, cheddar and onion panina?”. ”Well”, she muses, “it’s a panini” pausing for thought, “with tuna”, and as she realises where this is going, begins to falter, “erm, with cheddar” and while raising a smile adds “and onion”. With the detail cleared up a deep debate follows concerning the price on the menu in comparison with that paid at the till. With the bar now six deep, the conversation quickly moves on and the Big Easy eventually acquiesces to the demands of an extra 50p, much to the relief of the many thirsty, sweaty, Yorkshiremen gagging for a pint. As for me a bag of Kettle crisps and a shandy suffice and we haven’t even mentioned the Metronome’s quirk of adding his own milk to a cup of tea.

All bar one agreed it had been a fine day on a forgiving course with gently rolling hills and sharp greens, set in pleasant surroundings, to the point where Sir Limp A Lot is considering returning with the Good Lady Trace a Vere for an 18 hole joust.