HOT HANDY

 

MARKET RASEN  GOLF CLUB	https://www.marketrasengolfclub.co.uk/
Type of course	Heathland	18 holes	Par 72
Course distance	White 6232  yds	Green 6002 yds	Blue 5445 yds
Holes	4 x Par 3	11 x Par 4	3 x Par 5
Played	18/08/25	Rating 71.2	Slope 139
Claim to Fame: One of the top 10 courses in Lincolnshire

 

The last time I hit Market Rasen was some 30 years ago when a stag do for a colleague turned into an alcoholic frenzy. Not knowing much about horses we entered the racecourse with the intention of winning and celebrating. We certainly celebrated but I can’t remember if we won anything.

Present day sees us a minute away from the paddock as we attend the senior betterball open at Market Rasen golf course.

Adjacent to the course is the Linwood Warren Nature Reserve which the club website waxes lyrical about the flora and fauna to be found there.

Once again, the Metronome had come up trumps with his planning. Usual cost for a round  £55, this senior open was an absolute steal at £25 with a bacon butty and coffee to start, plus a complimentary token for the driving range.  It was hopefully going to be an enjoyable day.

After playing the day previous then going to the gym and finally biking to and from the Coldplay concert at Sewell Craven Park, the Metronome struggled to make the pickup time,  perhaps he was feeling a bit yellow!  But then again, he wasn’t my partner, so I didn’t really care much.

From south of the Humber bridge, the drive to Market Rasen goes through non-descript villages along meandering country roads where conservative drivers tend to slow your pace of travel. One such driver was Handy, my partner for today, who was clearly taking in the ambience of the area and reflecting on all his wins over the years at the racecourse. The eager equine loving, avis spotting Handy, would undoubtedly consider this area of the county to be his own personal nirvana. I just hoped he wasn’t going to be as conservative with his golf as he was his driving. I needn’t have worried!

On arrival the Doc and the Big Easy were already ensconced in the firm upright seating of the club house. The bacon butties arrived and as we tucked into our bargain offer, in walked Richie Rich, who the Big Easy introduced to everybody as his brother. A repeat introduction to that given only twelve days prior at Tankersley but when you play as much golf as the Big Easy does his days do tend to run into one. Last to arrive was Sarky whose badinage immediately homed in on his ex-Saturday buddy the Beau.

The other pair making up our four were the Beau and the Metronome. The four ball BEHIND us consisted of the Sheffield Steelers, Richie Rich and the Big Easy, alongside the Doc and Birmingham’s answer to a verbal Browning machine gun. Sarky.

A rare occasion for us to go off first would hopefully ensure our round did not take the 5 hours previously endured at Tankersley.

As fixture secretary extraordinaire, the Metronome returned from registering us, only to become befuddled about where the tea and coffee could be obtained from.  He still wasn’t firing on all cylinders, poor lad.

The driving range token was a bonus and after firing a basket of balls straight down the range I was feeling good. Indeed, the Metronome asked if I had played myself in or out, The answer was in the affirmative, I was up for it.

It may have been grey overhead but our mood was vibrant. The course conditions were good and although a major part of it has been afforested, the fairways were distinctly heathland, with a dark infertile soil, sandy and peaty in nature. The greens appeared to have a good pace about them and with a few strategically placed flagpoles the difficulty was increased.

The starter outlined the rules of engagement. It was, one to count on the par 4’s and 5’s, both to count on the four par 3’s.  2’s club £4 a pair.  Nearest the pin on the par 3, 5^th and 18^th.

Spotters were also positioned throughout the course to assist in the play.

Considered to be the most daunting opening hole in the county of Lincolnshire, the first a par 4 at  441 yards SI 4 is a toughy. Firing over a grassy pit a very large deciduous blocks your path. As the other four looked on the Metronome fired over, Handy went round, the Beau allowed the barracking from Sarky to get into his head and hit the tree, shot left and toyed with the hazard. Me, I hit the tree and saw the ball gently drop on the far side.  The opposition didn’t seem overly impressed by our start but as we all know, as in horse racing, there are many ups and downs in a game of golf.

After attempting to get out of the cabbage, the Beau picked up and the Metronome was still in the land of the somnambulist. I recovered with a six and Handy gets us off the mark with a 5.

The second is a relatively straight forward hole par 4, 355 yards SI 10.  I par it and the Beau bogeys it. They are on the card.

The third again par 4 only 290 yards SI 16 and pars for Handy and the Beau. No sign of the Metronome yet, he was probably still staring at a ‘Sky Full of Stars!’  It’s interesting to note that the 3^rd and 6^th share the same  green, raising the question. What happens if on approach your ball falls into the wrong hole? It was an easy answer but I still had to ask.

At the fourth the Metronome eventually comes alive with a par on this 315 yards SI 14 par 4 hole. Once he is awake however there is no stopping him and he cards every hole from 4 through to 14. 3 pars 7 bogeys and a fine birdie at the 159 yard par 3 12^th. 

Back to the 4^th then and as families are heard shouting among the trees of ‘Go Ape’, Handy also bags a par. As we are putting out a resounding thump is heard behind us, initial thoughts are some youngster has not tied on and has dropped out of the canopy. Not so, a member of the group in front  had teed off and hit a putrefying log to the side of our green. No apology required, none given.

The 5^th 137 yards SI 18 is the first of four par 3’s where both players count,  What appears to be an innocuous hole  sees Handy’s tee shot strike the pin and sadly role on, I pull left, the Beau under hits and the Metronome finds the bunker on the right. A par for Handy, bogey for me and the  Metronome. No show Beau.

Having never played Market Rasen’s  green and blue tees before, at the 6^th Handy fired off the blues by mistake. Sadly, I noticed and informed one and all. The Metronome double checks and it is a 2 shot penalty to the galloping mustang. In his defence my Jolly for the day did admit to being blue green colour blind but that doesn’t compensate for his  lack of spatial awareness. Blue at the front, green in the middle, white at the back!

As the 6^th is SI 2, I benefit from my handicap and receive 2 shots enabling me to collect 3 points whereas the Metronome with a bogey only achieves 2. The rules of golf can be so cruel on the one hand and yet so merciful on the other.

A fairly positive start then and after 6 holes we were 16 points to the good, in comparison to the other pairs 14.

It is at this point that my game starts to fracture like a donkey’s fetlock. The straight drives, the short chipping game, the putting all unravel before my very eyes. As the sky darkened so did my mood. Double bogeys at 7 and 8 and a bogey at the 9^th saw me once again an unhappy bunny. The top jockey however was like a dashing thoroughbred, bogey, par, par.

At halfway we had 24 points, the opponents a not so good, 16.  As the other four had fallen back  by two holes we had no idea how they were getting on. It had clearly been a wise decision to get off first.

The 10^th SI 3 at 401 yards is a long dog leg left that traverses the river Rase twice. From the tee it’s not a problem, however the second is. Downhill lies see me go right, Handy and the Metronome land on the banks of the river. The Metronome takes a drop and grabs a bogey, Handy doesn’t and grabs a double bogey. It’s a funny old world. Me and the Beau are nowhere to be seen.

The 11^th par 5 500 yards SI 7 was one of several nadirs, if indeed you can have more than one. A poor drive into the gorse and heather on the left, a provisional out of bounds on the right, it wasn’t looking good and when we did find the ball it was lying low. The Metronome suggested I go back to the tee but after my last two attempts from there I wasn’t particularly enamoured with the idea. No matter, two whooshes later and I was still in the thick of it. I was having a mare! Eventually disentangling myself from the heathland I could do nothing to achieve a score and it wasn’t looking good as we hunted high and low for Handy’s second shot. As time ran out, he took the conscious choice to go back to his original position and take a drop. As he walked back, head down, he came across his ball and pulled out a bogey. The Big Easy always says you don’t look around for your ball, you look down and he should know! The Metronome parred the 11^th. The weather over the past month had lacked any rain but on this fairway the form was good to soft with areas of standing water which revealed the dark nature of the soil and the sphagnum like texture. Off to the side the flora resembled that of a peat bog.

The 12^th par 3 159 yards SI 9 saw a return to scoring for me and the Beau, two bogeys for me and Handy, a par for the Beau and a fine birdy for the Metronome. He was in the two’s club once again.

The 13^th 356 yards SI 1 saw  Handy hurdle it like a true pure-bred pulling off a fine par, to the Metronome’s bogey. How do you achieve such a feat when the front of the green slopes towards a deep ditch and the flag is at the front? Handy flies his second to the back of the green and carefully putts out without complications, We three found the ditch with unerring accuracy.

The par 3 14^th SI 13 at 190 yards proved more difficult than most for me and my partner as we eked out a point apiece.

The 15^th par 5, 546 yards SI 5, saw Handy once again par and the Beau digs out a fine birdy. Meanwhile my nadir had nadired and I admit my language was inappropriate as I compared myself to a delicate region of the female anatomy but as I said at the time those parts are useful. I was not.

Coming into the final furlong or two I decided to ditch the driver and take the hybrid off the tee. The 16^th saw a revival of sorts. Par 4 299 yards SI 17, firing across the 9^th I am at the back of the green in two A  long putt snakes its way down the green and I went nap. Four points in the bag. Not to be outdone the Metronome did the same from the front of the green and yet again achieved one less point than me. Such a cruel game, I almost sympathise but then again.

As we meandered the course none of the fauna revealed itself but we had achieved four birdies on the day. The only creatures we did see were the numerous spotters who were strategically placed to aid anyone who suffered from wayward shots. I think I might have tired them out.

The 17^th SI 15 downhill at 334 yards saw me just short of the green in two, four shots later and I came off with a point, infuriated but a points a point and what do points make? Yep, you’ve guessed it. PRIZES.

As we waited patiently for the final hole our fellow players could be seen teeing off at the 17^th, Richie Rich appeared to cut across our path whereas Sarky and the Doc had both toyed with the left-hand fairway bunker. Was this an indication as to how well they had played or was it just a minor mishap in what could be a grand finale?

With two to count and a nearest the pin prize, the 18^th at 178 yards SI 11was the 4^th and final par 3. The Beau was the only player to hit the green and as we walked up an elderly gent sat on the patio, enjoying a well-earned pint of Madri, looked on with interest. On reaching the green the Beau checked the NTP record, collected the tape to measure his own attempt and just as he was about  to unwind the tape, the sage like gentleman removed the glass from his lips and bellowed, “I wouldn’t bother”. At which point the tape was thrown back to where it came from and the Beau putted out for a par, the Metronome a bogey. A similar result for Handy and myself.

Game over, our back nine was 25 points, the Beau’s and the Metronome’s a handsome 27.

At the end of the round we all agreed the scoring system did not lend itself to the card but the reverse side did reveal that the club was no back water, for QR codes provided access to the course  guide and the local rules. Pity nobody spotted it till after the round.

The effectiveness of the online scoring system wasn’t much better but we added our gross scores accordingly.

The Sheffield Steelers 43

Beau and Metronome 43

Sarky and the Doc 46

Me and Handy 49!

On completion of the game a visit to the WC was in order and as I entered, the urinals were occupied by three wise men with their backs to me, all waiting for a trickle of comfort.

Oh the joys of aging!

The leaderboard revealed we were sitting joint second but with 24 pairs still to come in we had to wait till the following day for the final outcome. With a better back nine we finished 2^nd and pocketed £70 of vouchers each.

In  summary I do believe this club truly puts in the effort to welcome  and support visitors and lives up to the citation  ‘one of the friendliest clubs’.

Thankyou Market Rasen.

FN. The next day Handy and I went head-to-head with the Beau and the Judge and the success continued as we beat the despondent pair by 8 points. The day after that, Handy moved on to an am/am at Scarborough alongside the Big Easy, the Metronome and the Doc and finished in overall third place. It must be true when they say good things come in threes!

 Next week sees a trip to Malton and Norton Golf Course where Handy and the Metronome team up. The C_ns_n_nt K_d links up with the Beau, I play with Wild thing and the Doc and The Big Easy reunite. Sad, I know but I can’t wait! Not bad for someone who was going to chuck the game at the 15^th!